Mom is NOT the person to please at Neurodivergent Family Photo Sessions
Hey there, fellow family photographers! Our journey through the world of family photography is a wild ride, filled with unique challenges and heartwarming moments. Today, let's dive into a crucial lesson: when you're working with neurodivergent families, it's time to switch gears and put the spotlight on the little ones.
Mom is NOT the person to please at these sessions. I know…. I know. That is counterintuitive from a typical session. Mom hires you (typically), so you make Mom happy. You ask Mom what photos she wants. You ask Mom what parts of this location she wants to visit.
Here is where I turn the table on you though….When you are working with a neurodivergent, high-energy, or sensitive kid though, your focus needs to be on the child. Let me expand on this so you can understand why I would make such a bold statement.
Why Shift the Focus to the Child?
The emotional state of a child can make or break a photo session. If a kiddo is not feeling safe or comfortable, you might have mini meltdown or some serious withdrawal on the horizon. Put your focus squarely on the child. Let them know what you are there to do, demonstrate how your camera works if they are little. Engage them at their level and begin to earn their trust.
Children and teens that are neurodivergent often are dismissed, overlooked or ignored by adults in their lives. Teachers do what they can to appreciate them, but with a class full of kids, giving these kids the energy that they deserve doesn’t always happen. Parents of ND children try to give them all the focus they can, but parents have work on their brains, laundry to do and meals to prep, meaning that they may unintentionally fall short of the positive attention that their kiddo may desire. You could be a hero by taking the hour to focus on making this child feel special!
Forget about impressing the parents for a moment; the real magic lies in making that kiddo feel like a rockstar. After all, what mom really wants is to capture those genuine moments of joy and connection with her little bundles of energy. If you make the kiddo feel valued, you will have a happier and more engaged child at your photo session.
Parents want good things for their kids! The challenge for parents of ND children and teens is it is easy to shy away from trusting strangers to be in charge of their child because so few people “get” their kiddo or respect their beautifully wired brain. By honoring that child, the parents will relax too! Win - win! Now you have a child that feels seen, respected and the parents can tell that your compassion is genuine and you are interested in keeping their child comfortable.
Direct Chats and Genuine Connection
Ditch the standard "say cheese" routine. Engage with the kiddo directly – ask them open-ended questions and hang tight for their unique responses. This builds trust and empowers the child to express themselves in a way that feels right to them. Plus, when mom sees her child being acknowledged and respected, it's like a golden ticket to relaxation town for her. You, the photographer, are doing all the heavy lifting.
You can also give options instead of asking open ended questions. Options can help sort of guide the session in a way that you are still lightly in control of. Providing options and letting the child call the shots give them a sense of control, contributing to an atmosphere that's both positive and cooperative.
Word of caution though: You HAVE to go with the option the child chooses. If you give them the choice to go to the big rock to climb or go to the leaf pile, they say leaf pile and you decide you don’t want them all dirty yet and dismiss their request, you will lose all that trust you have been cultivating. Only give options you are 100% okay with. If you regret giving one of the options, well, suck it up and do it anyway.
What happens if you don’t honor the child’s wishes when you give them a choice? Their nervous system will register their dismissal and they might meltdown or they will withdraw emotionally and physically from the session. No bueno!
Embracing Emotional Realness
Recognize that a child's emotions are legit. If they are crying or acting out, their nervous system is stressed or overloaded and they don’t know how to articulate it. It is likely that the parents will panic since they are being observed by a stranger and may not know how to handle the situation with grace. Take time to be a calm detective. Ask the kid (not the parent) if there is something they are having a hard time with. See what they say. They may not be ready to open up, but you have started to honor their emotions and that will go a long way.
Put down the camera and try to play with them (if they are young), like you were their nanny. Ask if they want to come explore the park with you. Tell them your favorite thing about the park and that you are so excited to show it to them! Engage them. Mom will come around if she sees that you are not stressed about the meltdown and that you are calmly, and with compassion, trying to solve the issue.
Instead of pushing for that perfect pose, aim for close enough. With lots of tweaking correction, it is possible you will accidentally cause the child to feel self-conscious and insecure. That shift in energy is not worth a perfect pose. Get something rather than losing it all.
Give Them Breathing Room
Observe the Energy. Slow down… just a bit.
If a kiddo needs a breather, honor that. Pressing on with more directions might escalate anxiety or withdrawal. Sometimes, it's all about putting that camera down and joining in the play. It's not just about capturing a moment; it's about creating an experience that feels authentic and comfortable for the family.
I have literally sat and done breathing exercises with kids at my sessions. Most children are taught some mindfulness at school these days, so they should be aware of some sort of breathing practice.
When a child is loosing focus and spinning out of control, demonstrate to Mom that you can calmly regain control by staying calm yourself and suggesting calming activities. “Which would you like to pretend to be, a rock or a tree?” That has oddly worked well for me in the past. It gets them to stop moving for a few minutes and resets their energy.
Keep in mind, the child may always tell you no - but at least the parents will see you are creatively engaging with their little one.
The Ripple Effect: Happy Kid, Happy Mom, Happy Memories will be captured!
Here's the golden rule – a child who feels you care about them and their interest equals a content, relaxed and open mom, and that radiance shines through in your final images. By connecting with the child on a level that honors and respects them, you're crafting an experience that becomes a lasting memory for the entire family. It's this kind of magic that keeps them coming back for more. (It also keeps them telling their friends, and we all know that referral business is the best!)
In the dynamic world of family photography, adapting to the unique needs of each family is an art. When you're dealing with neurodivergent families, make the switch – focus on the child's comfort and watch the magic unfold. Remember, by putting the kiddo’s thoughts and emotions in the driver's seat, you're not just capturing photos; you're creating an experience that'll be cherished for years to come. So, gear up, embrace the uniqueness, and let's capture some genuine, heartwarming moments together!