Barriers & Step 1 to Inclusion

Barriers.  There are barriers everywhere for my neurodivergent children.  It is so heartbreaking as a mama, but I am also so conflicted.  Is it fair to ask the world to create options for this smaller percentage of children?  To change the world’s expectations of performing arts? 

Let me share what happened recently for our family.  I hope it gives you insights to some challenges neurodivergent families face.

My youngest has been struggling HARD with sensory issues.  Something over the summer disrupted her nervous system in what seems to be a traumatic way and now the only clothing she will wear day and night is this simple cotton dress, underwear and specific socks.  You cannot change which socks, even though I have a pack of the same socks in different colors.  So we wash her clothing during her bath and she puts it back on.  While my heart is so sad about this (she used to wear all the cute clothing, dresses, etc), I am coming to terms with it and accepting it.  But it has taken me four months to process this.  

I am so thankful that her classmates don’t make fun of her about her exact same outfit.  That was not the experience we had with our eldest.  

Anyways, my youngest has been watching the dancers through the window at a nearby dance studio as we drive to our local grocery store.  She asked me if I could sign her up for ballet.  I was thrilled. She is so talented at music (actually plays the trumpet super well for only being 6) and sings so well.  The dance studio allows for a free trial class - which is fabulous!  We get there and my daughter realizes that the stretches that they are doing would be inappropriate for her to do in her dress without pants.  So she breaks into tears.  Ugh!  Not only that, but the music in the class is too loud for her to handle and she has her hands over her ears. 

I know that at this point in our life, she wouldn’t be able to wear the pretty outfit for the recital.  My eldest would love to do drama, but I know when it comes to the performance, she wouldn’t be comfortable in the costume she would need to wear because of her sensory challenges.  

I feel so heartbroken.  I understand how weird it would be to see a ballet performance with people wearing standard clothing and how a drama performance without a costume to help you truly understand what role that actor was playing is a super hard sell.  But as the neurodivergent population is growing…  should we start to recognize that not everyone can participate because of a disability? 

I bring this up not only to get you thinking in a broad sense, but to also let anyone reading that photographers create barriers too and end up silently rejecting so many families.  Why?  Because they only post photos in their portfolios of families that are all dressed in lovely outfits.  Outfits that many neurodivergent families look at and think to themselves, “Oh, I wish my kid would wear something like that so that I could have pretty pictures like those.”  If families don’t see themselves represented in your portfolio, they likely won’t contact you.  

Something worse might happen too….  That family might still contact you because Mom so desperately wants that style of photos.  She thinks she can get her kid to wear that outfit and stand in that beautiful field of flowers for an hour… at golden hour when her child has already used all their energy and has a super high chance of a meltdown.  Then what you as the photographer will end up doing is struggling through a difficult situation and the session may end in tears on both sides. 

I challenge photographers - I know it is your art, but are you willing to cut out 15-20% of the population because they are not comfortable wearing pretty, flowy dresses or cute suspenders and bow ties?  Maybe you are.  But if you are having a hard time filling your calendar, consider showing photos on social media and instagram of families wearing things that were comfortable to them in your same editing style.  Show the world you are willing to include them.

I get that my words are biting right now.  I am hurting.  I am so sad for my daughters.  I want them to play sports, to dance, to act in a play; but with specific clothing requirements that is not something that they can do.  Just something for you all to think about.